Last Day Of Class


Today something interesting happened to me in class I thought was blog worthy:

I was sitting in my last Death and Dying class talking to some girls about our semester and the things we did in the class. They were commenting on Louise Diamond (I blogged about her visiting my class a while back) and how she was so vibrant and positive even in her current situation. When the conversation lulled, I asked them, “Do you think that having cancer at such a young age motivated her to live her life the way she does to this day?”. They all agreed it definitely did and they couldn’t even imagine what it was life at this age to be diagnosed with cancer.

I just sat back and smiled.

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Walk To End The Fight

Relay for life!

Like the team shirts? We used my idea! All the other teams really liked our shirts.

Some of the team!

Some of the team!

When I was signing up, I was confused on whether to sign up as a survivor or a regular participant. Technically, I am still a cancer patient. We are monitoring my TSH levels until they are low enough that my doctor feels comfortable giving me the “remission stamp”. Five healthy years later is when I medically earn the survivor stars. In all honesty, I like to refer to myself now and forever as a Cancer Warrior. We can duck are heads and struggle through, or we can start running and break through the barrier. In the end, I decided not to sign up as a survivor.

The event kicked off with all the teams claiming their spots on the indoor track turf. Then the music started and all the survivors were asked to come forward and do a lap. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to go up. there were a lot of people there that I knew from classes and what not that I hadn’t told about my cancer. Alex nudged me on and I joined arms with an older gentleman in the front.

I was uncomfortable taking this lap. It’s hard to have a cancer people can’t recognize. I feel like responses are either too sympathetic or void of any human connection. It’s not that I don’t want to share my story, I just don’t want people to see my accomplishment enhanced by cancer sympathy. “She got all Bs? Aanndd she has cancer?!” No. I did that independently of cancer. Did it make the grades that much more meaningful? Yes. I’m a senior in college who also happens to have cancer. Although it’s changed my world in many ways, it hasn’t consumed me.

I’m glad I went up though. My heart was in my chest and I felt tears forming. Here we marched, the survivors showing everyone that we will continue to march on and they were just standing their applauding. This was the recognition I have been waiting for- metaphorically I guess. I don’t need people to clap for me every time I face a challenge but it sure felt nice.

Life lesson: always acknowledge someone’s accomplishments, especially the ones you don’t think you could face yourself.

The caretakers joined us on our second lap. I really wanted Alex up there. I didn’t have a lot of physical injuries I needed tending to, but I sure as hell needed some emotional care. Alex was able to hold me up when I was too tired to do it myself. It’s important not only for me to recognize all that he’s done, but for others to acknowledge the silent hands that hold us cancer patients afloat long after the initial event.

After the second lap finished, the rest joined in and the festivities began.

People under hypnosis!

We had a hypnotist at one point

The program did a really good job keeping us entertained. We had a hypnotist, a few comedians, a Capella groups, musicians, a 2am Zumba class, and a whole lot of RedBull. As the night progressed, groups started leaving or falling sleep by their little camp sights. I don’t understand how people can sleep to music that loud! By 1am the crowed cut in half and by 5am, Alex and I were the only ones left representing our team. The 6am closing ceremony consisted of Alex, myself, and 30 other stragglers from the 200 or so individuals at the start up.

Alex and I at 4AM still going strong!

Alex and I at 4am still going strong!

It was really great that my team wore the shirts. It made a girl feel good to see visible support! It was also great to see people who decided to join the fun! I had a camp sunshine friend come up and some other friends from all around. I even made friends with a senior this year who was diagnosed with cancer last year! It’s hard not to bond with people at an event as emotional as this one.

I noticed that the events unfolding during Relay were pretty accurate to the way my years had been going. All the people in the beginning giving way to those few true supports walking until the very end. Almost eerie.

Thanks to all who donated!! I was able to raise $665! It was so wonderful you took time to donate to my cause!

Now for some well deserved rest.

World, You Have My Attention

Hey everyone!

Went for another blood test last week. They want to monitor my TSH levels since they modified my daily meds. Making progress!

The easter bunny stopped by and gave me a basket full of of really cool stuff. One of which I wanted to share with you all because I found it interesting:

This year the easter bunny was thinking of my mental health and wellness (in light of all these events) and gave me a book on chakras. Naturally, I was intrigued and decided to read all about it. Here’s what I found out:

  • Chakra is sanscrit for “wheel or circle”. Referring to the meeting points of energy through out the body located near major veins, arteries, organs and nerves. Starting from the bottom, seven chakras are:
  1. Root– it sits at the base of the spine and draws energy from earth’s magnetic field up through the feet. The organ represented by this chakra is the adrenal cortex (sits on the kidneys). It carries the attitudes and prejudices formed by family, church, and culture. Color: red
  2. Sacral– the pelvis/ sacrum. This chakra controls our physical ability to move forward in life and the ability to cherish our own physical presence. Color: orange
  3. Solar Plexus– sits above the stomach and below the diaphragm. This chakra is focused on self value, a primary quality in our relationships with others. If we fail to honor ourselves and know that we are worthy simply because we exist, our sense of personality and identity is weak. Color: yellow
  4. Heart– the heart (oddly enough). It functions both physically and emotionally to keep the life force alive. Physically, the heart is comprised of the myocardium, the aorta, the pulmonary artery, and the four chambers. Energetically, it is the protector and the spiritual healer. Color: green
  5. Throat– internal and external, including the thyroid. It is often blocked with suppressed feelings, revealing unspoken emotions and unexpressed ideas. Color: teal
  6. Third Eye/Brow Line– the mind and pituitary gland. This chakra centers our innate intelligence and thrives on distilled wisdom of our pain, loses, and separation. It seeks meaning, truth, and freedom. Color: purple
  7. Crown– the pineal gland. This is the most elevated chakra. Provides the means to deepen our inedible connection with the source of our being. We must only acknowledge it to experience it. Color: fuschia

The goal is to have all your chakras aligned in order to fully experience everything. Life is about balancing all chakras to work in unison- to have a full body-mind experience everyday.

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Interestingly enough…. guess which one of my chakra has been neglected? Yup. The throat chakra. The color turquoise and the gardenia plant promotes healing for the chakra. At the beginning of the year, I received a plant as a get well gift.

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Gardenia Plant

The life issues associated with the throat chakra are trying to harness will, to express the highest truths, and to live creatively. “I live in my truth, I communicate my truth, I am the truth”.

We default on our integrity when we fail to honor our individuality.  When we mean what we say and stand by our words we influence the way in which people perceive us. To maintain a strong and viable sense of selfhood it is essential to express our truth as best we can, even at the risk of being different or standing apart from others. True adulthood is learning to mean what we say. The throat chakra shuts down from grief and unexpressed feelings such as anger and fear. It directly effects our quality of communication. It is an ongoing commitment to expressing our truths.

I felt I could really identify with this statement. My blog is physical proof of that. I’ve created a safe place where I can voice my feelings and express my truths. One of the major things I have learned in life is “speak your mind, even if your voice shakes”. I have been working really hard at standing up for myself- and my blog has really helped me find the courage to do so. What an interesting time to have this book come into my possession- wouldn’t you agree? Okay world, you have my attention!

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I have fallen in love with yoga!

Yoga has really helped me regain my sense of self. Before surgery, I felt super connected to myself and my world. I was explaining to my roommate that yoga is sanskrit for “union” and the origins/variations. For a long time I thought unison meant the class doing the same poses at the same time. But it kind of dawned on me that it means more than that. I’m in my one class with these people I don’t know practicing for an hour. We are practicing as one. It’s not even confined to just that class. All over the world, there are classes just like mine. I am in total unison with all those classes, with all those people! Even those taking thirty minutes out of their day to practice at home. I don’t know them, and I may never know them- but we are one for that period of time. The same could be said for running. I run by myself, but I am never alone. All the participants in a road race are running together- as one breath, one pulse, one stride. It feels breathtaking when you think about it.  It gives me a wonderful comfort and I don’t really worry about feeling alone anymore. Kind of like when you look up at the stars at night and know you aren’t the only one.

But I digress…

The to do list:

  • Relay for life tonight- expect a blog post in the near future
  • Last day of classes- EVER… okay maybe I’m getting ahead of myself.
  • Finals week (I’m done May 6th!)
  • ACE personal training exam! I’m super nervous
  • the never ending job hunt!

Thank you to all who donated to my relay for life! You can keep donating until 6am tomorrow!

Crossing the Finish Line

Hi everyone!!

Yesterday was my half marathon! It was a beautiful crisp spring morning and the track ran along the Colchester/ Burlington bike path. The race had two waves of runners. I did the first wave at 9am and the second group started at 11. During my race, I made some new friends! I was running by myself and I started ease dropping on these women talking about work. One woman does work with children suffering from PTSD and trauma by doing art therapy and other activities. Another woman works with a group of middle school aged girls from bad households and is training them to work together and run a 5k in May. I was pretty much running on top of them because I was listening so intently. They finally said hello and I stayed with them for most of the race. I heard about their lives and told them about my cancer and things. It was really amazing to just meet these woman and already feel like I belonged. They cheered me on and I hugged them at the finish line. It’s funny, these women made me feel better and said things that I had expected my friend here to say. I almost felt like crying because my hard work was finally being recognized by people other than my parents. Even better-I even beat my old time! 2:28:17!

It was really nice that I had some friends come to watch. I didn’t even have to ask. They popped up at a few different mile markers and it made me smile that they came to cheer me on. My mom would run up next to me haha

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I have several blisters I am tending to currently. Plus, my butt still hurts from that fall I took in my driveway a while ago. Other then that, I feel great! I’m going to rest up this week and then start my spartan race training with my friend from high school!! I am so excited!

Relay for life is April 29th, don’t forget to donate! I’m getting close to my $500 dollar goal and we are making really fun team shirts (pictures when I get them)

Grief Work

First off, I’m still waiting for thyroglobulin results. I finally read the letter of my test results and it said my count was almost 400… thhaattt can’t be right… Anything above a 20 means there is a higher chance for my cancer to come back, but the rest of my test results indicates that 366 isn’t correct. They have to wait a while to retest.

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See the count? It’s almost 370. I’m pretty sure that’s not right!

Second, thank you to everyone who has donated to my relay for life fund! I really appreciate everyone coming together for this wonderful cause! I’m trying to reach my goal of $500 dollars, but ultimately I just want them to find a cure for cancer haha it’s a pain in the neck!

Every time I leave my Death and Dying class I have a new thing to post about. I believe this course has really helped me deal with my journey in terms of the “grand scheme of things”. In lecture on Tuesday, we discussed the stages of grief.

Now, before I dive into my weekly class revelations, let me explain the basics of grief and profound loss.

  • A profound loss is any sort detrimental loss of a loved one or any lost aspect of the self. These can be sudden events, traumatic, slow progressing events or a combination of these factors.
  • Grief is the deep sorrow/ range of emotions a person deals with during and after the event. Grief can be associated with a death of a child, parent, a life threatening diagnosis, car accident, and other occurrences that do not always lead to death but are considered a profound loss to the individual.
  • Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ On Death and Dying, discusses the grieving process in a cyclical fashion. There are five major stages of grieving: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. Each individual deals with these in a unique way based on each event and the situational/emotional factors that come with it. Not all feelings are included, stages can be expressed with one or more, or can be revisited at any point. For example, you can accept one aspect of someone’s death and yet still be in denial about how your relationship was.

We went on to talk about physical and mental factors that are associated with grieving: one of which was social withdrawal. *BING* it was like the light bulb went off in my brain. I had been telling my mom and a few other’s that I have been acting like Switzerland- just kind of off in my own neutral territory and yet I’m still feeling deep emotions I can’t seem to describe. This phrase summed it up and gave my feelings a name- I’m angry.

Here is a little back story to help explain. Okay.. it’s actually a large one hahah.

Last February, I broke up with my middle school boyfriend. We had been on and off for 7 years. Through High school and a good portion of college, we were able to maintain our relationship while figuring out what we wanted independently. Along with my ex-boyfriend, I had a few really close friends who helped me start to grow up. Then college came, and those friends went off and did there own thing- leaving just the two of us. We developed a really fantastic friendship on top of our relationship. He was my only confidant and helped me through transferring from RWU and life’s other curve balls. We broke up and got back together several times- which is really emotional in itself. February was more of a permanent break up. So, I felt like I was starting from zero. Who is Taylor as a single unit and not in a relationship? What do I like? What are my needs and my fears and my dreams as an independent person? I was calling my own shots and working on who I wanted to be. Long relationships end with grieving (which is normal and healthy) and I was having a hard time because it was finally just me on my own.

Any who, we had made tentative plans over the summer to catch up and see how the other was doing. Unfortunately, I hadn’t found a good way to inform him about my diagnosis and surgery before he decided to stop by one day to say hello- the day after post op! It just kind of happened! I didn’t mean for it to be that way. He took the news very well and did his best to be my friend, but we weren’t at that point just yet. What I had hoped for in a friend, ended with him deciding he needed to remove me from his life in order to move on. I totally understood, it was just a lot to handle at the time.

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Now, as I’ve made jokes about before, telling people you have cancer is difficult and a sensitive subject. What I didn’t say at that time was how a person’s response can come across as offensive. People said things out of fear or shock, trying to protect themselves. That’s natural. But… It’s still hard to hear things like “I’m glad you’re not dead” or “I thought you were going to say you had 6 months to live or something”, “How can make a joke about this?” and so on. It kind of diminishes the fact I still have cancer and makes me feel self conscious about trying to make this a big deal like it should be. I was really expecting… more so hoping for a completely different response than the one I got.

With the energy and feedback I was receiving from people, I decided that maybe this was a good time put myself and my healing process first. Over the summer, I really tried to just stay on autopilot and get everything ready for school. I made appointments without even emotionally processing the meaning of them. I felt that it was time for me to recede into my room and my bed to tend to some emotional processing- which I’ve never been good at. Even after the surgery, I was still exhausted. I had to catch up on real sleep, friends, school and myself. Something was going to fall to the wayside, and I guess I thought it could be my social circle. All my life I kind of put others before myself. My life was second. But hey, I’m a 20-year-old senior with cancer, I guess I assumed that people would understand if my healing process extended beyond a surgical scar. I didn’t realize I shouldn’t be assuming thing about others’ thoughts and feelings. Should I have continued putting people first and my problems second? Putting myself second would have suppressed my own feelings and made my emotional recovery a lot harder to deal with. But if I was second, would my social life still feel as vacant?

I thought I was over my anger. I was never actually angry at my cancer, expect maybe that time I thought I had to get treatment on my 21st birthday. I had forgiven my ex-boyfriend for the choices he needed to make in order to be happy and had been moving past it. My anger doesn’t stem from then, it stems from now. I’m angry because at times I feel insignificant. My battle cry is falling on deaf ears. When people don’t think about things they say, it can come across as inappropriate and undermining. It kind of seems that if my cancer can’t be treated seriously, neither can I. I won’t have cancer forever, but the lessons I have learned from this journey will be incorporate into how I live out the rest of my life. It’s frustrating to have something happen like this that takes a hold of your life. I believe in equal reciprocity in friendship and relationships of all kinds. Major life events happen (both good and bad) to people all the time and sometimes at the same time.

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I’ve recently been trying to work on forgiving- forgiving people for the ways they may have reacted/treated me and forgiving myself for internalizing something that doesn’t actually have much to do with me. You watch people process your cancer and you can see them almost trying to imagine it was them. I feel like I learned a lot about people by how they faced my news in respect to their own life and struggles. Cancer is scary! It’s okay for people to be afraid and I should have taken that into consideration that not all the people I tell will take it the same way. I’ve been putting on a strong front and people think that I’m just fine. I’m not very good at being vulnerable, but this blog has helped me kinda just put my feelings out there for people to read and interpreted.  I try to be factual with my friends and give them the medical updates, but the emotional concerns must be put on the back burner or something. Someone recently told me “I don’t tell them things, therefore they don’t know anything”. It’s really important to ask someone how they are, it makes them feel valued.

Just the daily struggles we all face in becoming the people we were meant to be I guess.

In other news- my scar has gotten so small! I’ve been using aloe cream and vitamin E oil on it every now and then.

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day one-wasn’t even that bad!

Nine days until my half marathon!

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“Separation is the Disease of the Modern World”

Today, we had a guest speaker in my Death and Dying class- Louise Diamond. She was one of the three ladies who spoke at my End of Life Care class last semester. She told us her cancer story and I wanted to reflect on some of the things she talked about.

First off, some background on Louise- of course this is just a very poor summary of a wonderful and unique women and her cancer journey, but here are the main points (please correct me if I’m wrong).

  • Louise found a lump during a self breast exam when she was 29. She had a mastectomy. This came at a very stressful point in her life- she was separating from her husband and had an 18 month old daughter.
  • A second lump was found in her other breast that was not related to the first lump they found. She underwent another mastectomy.
  • She was cancer free for thirty years (although the life expectancy back then was maybe two years), and in that time she was able to: explore herself and her connection to the world around her, make a career in international peace maker, began meditating, and fun doing other natural and spiritual ways to reflect and live.
  • In 2004, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer after going in for a scan for abdominal pain. She went through chemotherapy, seven years remission, chemo and then decided to stop treatment.
  • Now, she is doing well, she is living life, and not waiting around for death.

Louise is a very authentic person. She talked about her spiritual journey- “I gladly traded my breasts for spiritual awakening”. She adopted many Native American beliefs and begun to connect to all the energy that ties the life force together. “The way I was living changed from solid and rigid (like her tumors), to a free flowing connection to the world”.

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It was really touching to see after all these years it was still emotionally difficult to tell her parents. She talked about how helpless her parents looked. That’s literally the word I would use when I remember my parents. I kind of felt like I let them down, you know? Obviously I know I didn’t, but your parents work so hard to protect you from the big bad world that it must be devastating when there was nothing you could do to prevent something like this. They help you with homework, deal with your thing hormones during puberty, and watch you go from kindergarten to your first “big girl” job. The last thing they want is for something to be wrong and not be able to anything to help.

The other thing I loved about this (although I just loved all of it) is the fact she brought one of her best friends. They have been friends for 65 years… sixty-five!! That’s amazing! Its really cool that some of the people I reached out to really responded to me and my needs. I don’t expect people to know what to do (I don’t even know what I need most of the time), but I feel safe confiding in you all. It’s important to have those people you can look to for help, and I know they will do their best to ease any of my suffering. I hope you all feel the same with me. I have made some really great friendships through this that I know will last me a very long time. She also talked about how some people just showed up out of the blue and really “came out of the wood work”. I have a friend like that- I’m really glad you and I were able to reconnect. You’ve been really wonderful to me even through the rough time you’ve been dealing with in your own life.

While listening to her speak, I formed a few questions and picked up some from other classmates that I wanted to contemplate on:

  1. What do you think of death?– I’m actually not afraid of death. I don’t know what happens when we die, but I am confident that it will be greater than anything I can imagine. I have confidence that whatever comes next is something amazing. The thing that does upset me, is the fact that I’m going to miss out on all the people I love and their accomplishments! Like… grandkids going to college, the invention of the flying wheelchair? What if one of my friend’s kids is in the olympics!
  2. Do you ever wonder what your life would be like without cancer? Do you think you would feel as fulfilled or enlightened?– I would not be where I am today without the opportunities for self exploration that are presented in a serious diagnosis such as cancer. This situation made me face my life and myself and think about what is really important to me. How I want to carry out this life even out helps me realize how I want to live my life and deal with the rough patches ahead- and the people I want right by my side through it all.
  3.  What was the hardest thing to accept on your cancer journey?– Accepting that this is a substantial deal in my life. It’s funny, the way people treat you is the way you treat yourself. Of course we all know I’m going to be fine and beat this, but people treat me like it’s already over. I have to remember that this is my cancer journey and that even though it won’t be in the forefront of my mind every day years down the road, it has really helped me figure out what’s important in my life. Right now it IS a big deal, and I need to remember that and not feel self conscious about it. I need to learn to give myself more credit and be proud of myself- sometimes I have to be my own cheerleader.
  4. Did religion play into your journey?– I would say so. To me, being a UU is seeking spiritual growth and the freedom to find and truth and meaning. I think that I practice this every day in growing and finding out who I am as a person.

The optimist in me said “alright cancer, let’s make this an adventure”.

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PS- I already made $100 for my Relay for Life! my goal is $500 by April 25th! yay! And I’m still waiting on that thyroglobulin test!

Relay for Life!

Hey everyone!
A bunch of my friends and I have decided to participate in Relay for life this year! We are working on the team shirts (pictures will be up as soon as we get them!) and I would really appreciate it if people would donate to the cause.

Here’s how ya do it!

  1. go to my home page! Don’t worry, I’m editing it as we speak!
  2. donate now! (or by check underneath it)
  3. fill out your info! It says $35, but that is not the minimum requirement. Please donate whatever you feel comfortable with. Every dollar counts!
  4. Bam! thanks for supporting my team!

Also, there is this donation you can make called a Luminaria. This is basically a white bag they put a candle inside and light for loved ones battling cancer or in memory of our fallen cancer heroes. You can donate a plain one or one with a message! These are a neat way to display your donation during the relay.

Relay is April 25th, So I think my deadline will be the 24th!

I’ve always wanted to do relay for life, but never really knew how to get involved. I’m really excited to participate in this magical event with my friends here and those relaying else where!

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The Results Are In?

Today is one of the scariest days I can remember. I have been waiting anxiously for this doctor’s appointment for a while. I feel great, and my meds are regulated and working, now it’s just time for the moment of truth- did everything work?

Before I tell you guys the results (because I’m sitting in the waiting room) I wanted to share the events around my diagnosis. It’s kind of a crazy story (at least for me).

It was a normal day, going to all the usual doctor’s appointments over the summer and what not. So I went to my lady doctor (ew gross) and was sitting in the room waiting for her. Now, this doctor isn’t very warn and friendly to begin with, so I already feel increasingly comfortable with the situation. This time she came in and with no real warning she grabs ahold of my neck and starts “palpating” my neck. Okay let’s be real, she was chocking me. Face red, eyes watering, coughing kind of chocking- I’m not exaggerating. After which, she proceeds to tell me (with a matter-of-fact kind of tone) that I “have a few lumps and I’ll need to get an ultrasound right away”. That’s a little scary to hear, but I wasn’t that worried. The human body is lumpy and with my medical history of weird things, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had a lump. After my appointment, my mom confirmed by suspicion- “we have lumpy necks”.

I went to Newton Wellesley the next day for my neck ultrasound in the Women’s center. I get all dressed in my Johnny and take a seat in the private waiting room. No clock or phone on me. I made it half way through a magazine, sitting alone in this room, before someone stuck their head in and looked surprised to see me. She told me she would get someone for me. I finished my magazine and started and just finished an interesting article about whales and whale hunting when someone finally came to see me. 20 minutes of sitting alone.
The ultrasound was quiet. It’s a very weird feeling to get all that gooey gel in your neck. The technician was a student supervised by a superior and both were very quiet. They told me to lay down and relax while they looked over the results. I was in that room for 45 minutes- again, all alone. By the time I was released, my mom was ready to come find me!

The next day, I’m back at work with the Tobin kids. I received a phone call from my doctor and figured it would be a “hello, we have your results and I would appreciate it if you called me back” kind of deal. No. She said “they found suspicious nodes on your thyroid and you need to come in for a biopsy right away”. Here I am… In the bathroom… At work. She sounded so intense that I actually freaked out, left work early, and called my mom crying. I remember my coworker saying “these things happen all the time, You’ll be okay. I’ll see you on Tuesday when you come in healthy”.

After battling with the surgeon my obgyn booked, we were able to make an appointment with an associate of the endocrinology department at Mass General. First off, someone was finally telling me what was going on and why they were doing it. Secondly, he was nice. That’s important. Now, neck biopsies are not very fun. Kristin saw one that my surgeon did, so she can second that opinion. My endocrinologist needed to do a few of them. This inloved novicane and two biopsy needles that are I stabbed right into the node and literally wiggled around in order to collect as much as possible. Novicane helps with the needle puncture- NOT the wiggling! After looking like I made friends with Edward Cullen, he sat me down and told me “I want to let you know now, that I’ve seen this before and I’m 95% positive this is papillary thyroid cancer.” I remember the feeling the most. Kind of like when something terrible happens and you’re stomach cringes. I remember hearing the word cancer and immediately almost splitting in two- my emotional side and my rational side. My objective reality grabbed hold of the situation much faster than my subjective (like how I’m applying Soc vocabulary professor Cowan?). I looked at him and smiled and said “okay”. He told me he would call me with the results in a few days to verify. I shook his hand saying “thank you so much”. I walked out of his office and down the little hall to my parents. They stood up, we walked out and I told them he said it’s probably cancer. John: “T is this a joke?”. No, this is not a joke.

And here I am, 6 months later, after treatment.

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Here is my ultrasound! Weird right?

Alright people, here it is! My ultrasound looks good, but I have antibodies attacking my thyroglobulin. They need to get an accurate reading either here or by shipping my blood work out to CA. Home stretch people!! I’m a little bummed to have to wait a tiny bit longer, but I feel good and it’s gonna damper my spirits!

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You’re gonna wish you never met me thyroid cancer!! Don’t try to keep up with this chick!

Something Magical Happened Today

Spring break is upon us- jeesh that was fast!

This week doesn’t really feel like much of a break, I have homework to do and all my cancer appointments- so I’m still pretty busy. Today was the dermatologist, tomorrow is my sonogram and endocrinologist check up (this is the big one folks), and Thursday is an appointment with my surgeon. I won’t lie, I’m a little scared, but I feel good and I’ve been pretty healthy so I know I’m ready to get my remission statement! Wish me luck!

I arrived back in safe little Holliston on Friday night, and have been hiding out and doing free laundry. My mom and I went to the mall today and I wanted to go to Lululemon because 1. I have a love affair with the clothes and aura of the store/staff and 2. I had a gift card I wanted to use for some new clothes. I was trying on some tops and such while my mom talked to the sales associates to try and talk me up to and get recommended for a job in Burlington. I come out after changing and Megan the Associate told me she wanted to give me a mat for being so inspirational with the rough year I’ve had and my ongoing pursuit of physical fitness. My jaw totally dropped. What a kind gesture and a really nice little praise of recognition that I’ve been longing for.

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“Listen to your inner instruction. We are all the answers.”

This is the third eye chakra, she wanted to give me the throat one, but I love this one too because it really speaks to me about my growth and the adversity I’ve been dealing with from those who aren’t ready to do the same yet. It was a wonderful thought and I was so happy.

Thanks Megan! Your kind gesture made me and my journey feel important. I will think of you every practice from now on.

PS- I’m making a Relay for Life team! I’ll give details when I can so everyone can help us raise money to fight cancer!