Here we are, August 19th, 2014. One year ago I had my surgery. Has it really already been a year?
Yesterday, I had my one year check up at Mass General. Everything already feels routine. Sonogram. Appointment. Blood. The usual. Since I still have thyroid antibodies that are distorting my blood levels, I have to wait a few weeks while all my samples are sent and processed in California. Either they go well and my mom and I drive back in to Boston in a year, or they don’t and we start some more testing sooner. Regardless, I’m optimistic about my future both in and outside the hospital. Hearing him read over my report is similar to watching an old movie in my mind- the one you unintentionally memorized. Splashing my diagnosis with descriptions such as “extensive vascularization” and “double the normal dosage” reminds me that this is something I’ll always subconsciously monitor.
I’ve gone through all four seasons, all holidays, and some major life events with these little constant reminders of where I started from. I’ve made friends, lost friends, and ultimately found myself climbing upward everyday through the storm and the sunshine. I have sought out a really wonderful network of supportive figures both near and far away. I hope those I turn to for my pillars of strength feel just as valued and appreciated. Alex has been more than wonderful. He was one of the few people who not only helped me when I was down or sick, but who was already asking “what’s next?”. His kindness, patients, and acceptance encourages me to keep living my normal life and he continues to nudge me on my path to ultimate self acceptance and true happiness. My senior year and my courage through cancer would be much different without his warm presence.
We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
I decided to end this blog, today, one year ahead. Just the perfect amount of time to digest everything, but not long enough to begin to over analyze and focus on the things I cannot change. Things happen in life and its important to mark their importance, remember them, and appreciate how that have changed us, but leave them in the past as we continue to live out our lives. I am grateful for those of you who stayed with me and were able to observe first hand a very profound change in one young girl- because I am moved by how powerful this change has been and how it will forever effect what I do in a beautiful way. This blog was my outlet which helped me find my true voice. Blog topics would formulate during a lecture, yoga class, or even just in conversation. It was nice to eagerly analyze my interactions and emotions not only with my cancer, but with myself and others about cancer and the changing views of the world around me. Even more, the way I started to view myself. Through all the things I’ve been through and the growing perspective I continue to gain, I’d like to leave you all with something I’ve been working on in my own heart and that I have come a long way with:
Don’t dwell in the past, for it will only leave you with regret. Don’t fret about the future, for your heart and your head will be crowded with apprehension. Live in the present and enjoy all the beauty it brings, and all the ways you in turn can make it beautiful.
Thank you all for accompanying me for the start of a life long journey.