Finding God

Hello readers!

The other day I went on a 5 mile run and had a nice long contemplation about life.

In times of crisis, many people look to or even seek out God. Whether it be a natural disaster, sickness, death, changing your ways, or trying to dig yourself out of a deep hole. I notice a lot of families at Camp Sunshine have found God and even a lot of people in my everyday find comfort from His presence.

The Just World Hypothesis: That actions and events always end with a fair consequence or reward.

As for me? I guess I never really looked for Him. This whole cancer thing- even just though out my life, I’ve never felt the need to. I believe in ideas like Karma and the “Just World” hypothesis. It certainly feels like some people’s karma is long over due, but that’s their trouble- not mine. Sometimes, I need to remind myself that my reward for hard work and honest living comes in the form of lessons and experiences I have obtained. The true kindness of honest strangers and the uninhibited love from people who really do care about me and accept me as I am and hope to be. All in all, I guess I would really define myself as spiritual. Over the past few years, I’ve really begun to explore the world around me through all sorts of religious perspectives and have come to incorporate little things here and there into my everyday.

So, as for the big guy upstairs? I’m not too sure about that. I guess I’ll figure that out when the time comes.

If I didn’t find God, then what have I found. I guess the real question would be: Taylor, did cancer make you feel like you needed to search for something to hold on to? The funny thing about looking for something is to first feel the sensation that something is missing and the courage to start figuring out what that something is. Interestingly enough, I’ve had this weird feeling inside myself that’s been there for a while, and I could never really quite place it. I’ve never really felt like I fit in with the crowd. Somehow, I always felt a chapter behind the rest and it really bothered me for a long time. All through high school I  felt separated from my classmates. I had no desire to do what they were doing. Even into college, I still had no desire to keep up with the masses. I think that’s why I didn’t like college- I thought I didn’t get it. But finally, with a cancer conscious, I started heading in the right direction.

I started finding myself.

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