Shakubuku

Shakubuku: (Buddhism) to correct another’s false views and awaken that person to the truth; a spiritual side-kick to the head that gives that individual a reality check.

Today I finally went to visit my surgeon for post op! I’m doing fantastically- yay! Being cleared made me feel much better about heading up to school. I’m up and was even able to run some errands with the mother-ship. We are right on schedule for school people!

Its funny, tI feel okay okay and feeling pretty fine on a scale of “one-to-fine”, but to hear my doctor give me the O.K. to go back to school was a giant confidence boost on my overall health. I don’t know a single kid in the history of education who has been this ecstatic to go back to school. But, I’ll probably be singing a different tune in a few days for sure. She said they removed a fair amount of lymph nodes mostly from the left side. Out of the 30-something they took out, only 9 were cancerous. She also mentioned the node the size of a tennis ball they removed that was on my left side. It was funny because my chest was really sore there and I didn’t know why! Its weird to think that it had been there, growing and hanging out for years and years and the only time I actually noticed it was when it was gone. Adaptation. Go Figure.

Now we just have to get all these medical papers sent out to the right offices. I figure its smarter to be prepared for future appointments than to randomly pull the cancer card on my professors in the middle of the year. I only have four classes that all sit between 1pm and 4pm (and my once a week lecture class on Mondays from 4-7pm) so that works out nicely. Annnd, my apartment is so close! What a coincidence!

Okay, now for my first post surgical picture. If you are squished to gnarly cuts you should look away:

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Tadaaa! I was totally kidding, its really not that bad. Maybe the photo is, but taking awkward neck- selfies is really silly to do in the first place! Those little white tape-looking things, called steri strips, will start to fall off in a week or two. I don’t have stitches (which still baffles me) and I just need to keep it out of the sun- simple enough for me!

Okay, now to explain the post title. I found a small a small foreshadowing/ reality altering sucker punch that I thought was worthy of blogging (maybe you al will appreciate it as much as I did when I realized it)… I don’t know who knows and who doesn’t know, but I recently joined the ink club! I got my very first tattoo with my friend Karen back in April. I’ve been wanting one for a while and I finally decided I would like a small, blue anchor behind my right ear! It’s tiny and not very noticeable which is exactly what I wanted. “But its forever! Your skin was pretty the way it was before! Why did you get it somewhere you cant see?” Well, I’ll tell you why:

I’m not that person who is all about their tattoos. I don’t feel the need to show it off all the time or talk about it (okay maybe at first-but I was just so excited!). I had a rough start to my second semester last year, and found myself suddenly adrift. One night, during my nightly ritual of pintrest-ing, I came across the saying “I refuse to sink”. No saying had ever hit me so profoundly as this one did that I knew it was something I needed to incorporate to my entire life. I started saying it to myself during running, and when classes seemed like the work never ended. I even whispered it to myself on those cold late night walks back to my safe bed. I refuse to sink. I refuse to sink. Over time it became more than just something to help me through the day. It became a symbol of who I wanted to be and what I wanted out of life. I want to be a good, strong, stable person. The one who will keep you anchored and safe. I want to surround myself with people who will let me explore the world around me, but remind me every once in a while where I am and that I’m not a wandering drifter in the sea of life. I don’t need the type of people who are too heavy, they will just drag me down. At the end of the day I know I can continue on- I will refuse to sink. Kinda funny how life has a way of preparing you for the unseen battles ahead, huh?

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Now I’m off to paint my toes and start packing! Oh boy do I have a lot of clothes to pack…

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